Borrowed time
by Jessica12
Summary: Scully's last hour alive..


Title: Borrowed time  
  
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category:MSR, V,   
  
Spoiler: Redux 2  
  
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where  
  
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se  
  
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles  
  
Summary: Scully's last hour alive..  
  
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX   
and they are not mine.   
  
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistake may occur.  
  
  
It's time for me to stop fighting. I have accepted that the   
last thing I'll ever see of this world is this room. I can't  
say that it hasn't been hard but what choice do I have?   
It was never up to me to choose how I would end this  
world. It's up to God to decide. I have never expected it   
would be like this. Not here. I haven't got the strength left  
to fight back. Maybe this is my destiny. Mulder would be so   
angry with me if he heard me now. He wants to save me. He is  
so determent to find a cure. I haven't got the heart to tell  
him that it's too late. He comes to see me every day and he  
tries so hard to hide the sorrow that lives in his eyes. But  
I can see through him. After all this time I feel like I can  
read him like an open book. I wish that I could ease his pain  
somehow. I wish that I could tell him that everything is going  
to be all right. But I can't lie to him and I don't think he  
would believe me anyway.  
I lay here listening to the sounds the night makes. It's never  
quiet in a hospital. A nurse comes and check up on me every   
hour. It feels nice to have someone watch over you like that.  
I think they know by now that I have a hard time sleeping. They  
have offered me something to help me sleep but I have refused.  
I don't want some drugs to cloud my mind. Not now. Not ever.  
I know that they all mean well but it's my choice. My mum comes  
and goes from this room. She spend the first nights on the  
couch in the waiting room. They tried to get to go home but   
she wouldn't hear about it. She refused to leave my side. These  
days I think she has come to term with the fact that I'm not  
going to be better. She says that it is in god's hands now.   
I like to think so. I know that she's scared. But I know that  
she's strong. I just wish sometimes that I could take away  
her pain somehow. She has followed to many of those she loves  
to their graves. But I know she'll make it through.   
Bill has come to see me several times. He tries to hide it   
but I know that he's angry at the world. I know that he loves  
me and that he only wants the best for me. But I know it's  
time for me to stop fighting. I have accepted what is to come.  
It's funny how clearly you see your life just when you're   
about to die. The world seems so beautiful when you look it.  
The only glimpse I have to the outside world is from my window.  
I try to stand by the window as often I have the strength.  
It's not much I can see from the window but it's enough to  
get my imagination going. I stand there as long as I can   
feeling the sun warm my face. When the pain keeps me in bed  
I lay watching the birds outside my window. It comes times  
when darkness enters my soul and I fall into the deep hole  
of self-pity. I let the tears come. I cry for everything I'll  
be missing and all of them I'm leaving behind. But refuse to   
let it break me and I always manage to make it back to reality  
again.   
As I lay here the pain comes knocking on my door again. I can  
feel death close now. I'm not scared. But there are still time.  
I manage to reach for my notebook. I would like to have written  
a letter but my time is running out. My hands tremble as I   
start to write.  
" I don't know how to say goodbye to you. I don't know if I   
can. I know that you're out there looking for answers. But   
I know now that there are none. The truth is what we make of  
it. It's time for me to stop fighting. I know you want me to  
fight. But I can't. Not anymore. Don't be mad. But I know when  
it's my time and that is now. I'm not sad. I have lived a good  
life. I got to meet you. I got to see my daughter. I got to  
fall in love. You have showed me a different world. You opened  
my eyes and I let me see another side of myself. For that I   
thank you. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for all the  
times you held me when I cried. Thank you for all the smiles  
you gave me. Thank you for being my friend.   
I know you're strong and I know that you'll be just fine when  
I have left this earth. Don't cry for me. I'll be just fine.  
Please believe me when I say that I will just fine. I'll be  
safe in my father's arms. I have the protection of angels.   
I know that we have no ending you and me. I'll know we'll  
meet again. Please don't cry. I'm going home.   
I'll be waiting for you. Until that day believe me when I say  
that I love you. You have my heart. Keep it safe until we   
meet again. So this is not goodbye. This is just a stop along  
the road. Instead of goodbye I'll be saying...I'll be seeing  
you.   
  
With all my love,   
Dana Scully. "  
  
I put down the pen and close the book. I know he'll read it.   
I'm not scared. The darkness of the night surrounds me and   
the moon keeps me company as I see the angel of death.   
Oh god, he's beautiful. I look in to his  
eyes and for the first time I can see the beauty of heaven.  
I close my eyes and surrender.  
  
Feedback....j_rothen@yahoo.se 


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